Vinyl resting place: what to do with all the records we don’t play

From the Guardian

LP sales are booming – but 48% of people who buy them don’t actually listen to them. Here are some alternative uses….

Record-makers. Photograph: Alexander Klemm/Getty Images


Sales of vinyl records hit a 25-year high in 2016. However, a new report has revealed some weird facts. Apparently, 48% of people who buy vinyl records don’t actually listen to vinyl records. Weirder yet, 7% of people who buy vinyl records don’t even own a record player. What are people doing with all these unlistened-to vinyl albums? Here are some possibilities:

Using the sleeves as wall art.

Shoving a stick through them and making a cake stand.

Melting them down and moulding them into fruit bowls.

Turning them into clocks.

Creating elaborate table centrepieces for their wedding, so everyone can see what a terrible hipster they are.

Throwing them at zombies.

Pretending to be their dad (see going bald and drinking too much).

Cutting them into the shape of a cat and sticking them to their wall, which is something I genuinely just saw on Pinterest.

Pouring a saucepan full of boiled potatoes on them and hoping they will function as a rudimentary colander.

Keeping them in an old-timey museum of ersatz relics, next to a pile of abandoned fax machines.

Using them as a means to bankrupt themselves, since a vinyl copy of the new Ed Sheeran album costs the same as two full months of listening on Spotify to pretty much every song that has ever been recorded.

Making stupid hats.

Making stupid bags.

Making stupid shoes.

Just having them about, on the off-chance that someone will see that they like Pink Floyd and try to sleep with them.

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