Jack White Files Tax Return on Vinyl

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Militant renaissance man Jack White filed his 2016 tax return on vinyl in a move that’s thrilling high-fidelity taxpayers, according to sources within the IRS.

Officials confirmed White’s 2016 return was prepared in mono, on a translucent crimson hand-numbered (1/1) 180-gram 12” LP, with a “Federal” A-side and “State” B-side. The filing included original cover art from Nashville-based CPA Howard Chang LLP.

 “I’ve never forgotten how I felt as a kid, thumbing through my dad’s old longforms,” White said through the crackle and hiss of his candlestick telephone. “The dust, the smell, the illicit write-offs … those returns were alive. They were the reason I wanted to file in the first place. The digital method has reduced all that to some soulless, disposable ‘transaction.’”

Known to the IRS by his birth name, John Anthony Gillis, White hand-cut the vinyl himself, using “a lathe he hand-built with tools he hand-built with his hands.” That process, and the subsequent analog filing, are part of the pasty axman’s efforts to reconnect with the true spirit of income taxes.

Experts confirmed that, though digital filing is by far the “most common and least asshole” means of paying taxes, nothing in the myriad tax codes specifically forbids submitting on vinyl. Nonetheless, IRS agent Glenn Garcia was exasperated by White’s choice.

Read the article here thehardtimes.net

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