The Five Worst Christmas Songs Of All Time – What’s Yours?

Leaving aside the big name favourites for inclusion on the list – Cliff Richard’s Mistletoe and Wine, Kenny G’s Let It Snow and Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime perhaps – here’s our choice for the five worst Christmas songs of all time . . .please tell us yours…..

1 – John Denver: Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)

The Colorado Laureate sings the tale of a seven-year-old boy pleading with his father not to pass out under the Christmas Tree. Denver, famous for Annie’s Song, recorded Please Daddy in 1975 on his album Rocky Mountain Christmas and it features the lyrics:

“You came home at a quarter past eleven,
Fell down underneath our Christmas tree
Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas
I don’t wanna see my Mumma cry”

Sadly, the words rebounded on Denver, who was charged with driving under the influence in 1993. Denver pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of driving while impaired, reportedly after too much Bailey’s Irish Cream.

2 – Miss Piggy: I’m the Christmas Queen

What could be more festive than a pig in a white dress, hamming it up as she dances around a fir tree?

The Christmas Queen is song on the 2006 album A Green and Red Christmas and contains the lyrics:

“Her dress is a vision in white
If only it wasn’t so tight”

3 – Cyndi Lauper: Christmas Conga

Girls may wanna have fun but dancing the conga after a day’s Christmas shopping may not be the answer. Cyndi Lauperrecorded Christmas Conga at home while her infant son Declyn slept.

It’s taken from the album Merry Christmas, Have A Nice Life! Conga narrowly beats the risque Minnie and Santa because of its superlative lyrics:

“Come on and hold my hips a little longer
As we do the Christmas conga
Bonga, bonga, bonga”

4 – Kenny Rogers and Wynonna Judd: Mary, Did You Know

A lot of country duets could have made the top five but Kenny Rogers gets the nod, not least for being a white-beardy Father Christmas lookalike.

Wynona Judd must share responsibility for this offering, which reached No55 on the billboard list in 1997. The lyrics are by Mark Lowry, and were written at the request of his pastor.

“Oh, Mary, did you know?
The lame will leap,
the dumb will speak”

5 – Dennis Waterman And George Cole: What Are We Going To Get For ‘Er Indoors?

A British duo scrapes into the final five. The TV rogues appeared on Top Of The Pops dressed in character as Minder and Arthur Daley (smoking his trademark cigar) and stumbled through a sort of Christmas ‘bantersong’.

Via the Telegraph

Now, I happened to stumble on this total monstrosity the other night on TV, was there ever a more shameless Christmas cash-in? Thankfully it bombed….oh and btw, the video is a rip-off of Wham’s Last Christmas with all the tension removed…what’s your worst Xmas song?


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